May 27, 2008
Hi,
Im in the office working today. Its our counterpart's holiday in US but we are still covering for the Netherland process so we have to be in the office.
Im in the midst of confusion these days. Maybe this is hormonal. I have been in a relationship for like 7 years this June 2008 to my first bf. Our situation isnt really that easy. Its a long distance relationship with so little communication. Sometimes I ask myself if I still have a boyfriend. Dont get me wrong. He is the sweetest, most responsible man I ever know. I'll never find someone like him I guess. He works in a tanker ship.
I cried for days when he first left for work. Then he proposed to me over the phone two months before he is about to come home. That was two years ago and when he got back to the Philippines he didnt. It was as if nothing happened. Everytime I brought the subject he would just say it will come. That time was the lowest time in my life. I brought him to my parents to be with them when I go home and he seem to put some wall. I felt so alone that time. I didnt know what happened to him. My parents asked if things are ok. They seem concerned. A month after he went back to work outside the country.
When he got back after 10 months, he gave me a ring. But when we talked about when will it be, he said Maybe after two years. Ill be 28 then. I dont wanna be selfish. I know he has a lot of responsibilities. I still love him very much. But this doubt if he ever wants to get married to me kills me. What if in the next two years everything will still be the same... There's my fear... I waited too long.
But here I am still giving it a chance. I said I'll wait for his brothers and sisters to finish college and if still nothing happened then its time for me to move on. Whatever happens at least I have waited.
Im just afraid deep inside. I dont know if I could wait that long. I mean I wanted to. But im not sure if I'll have the strength to still wait or if I would still love him by then. Its painful really... The way he drives me away the first time he came home. This year was better. I think he is trying to make up for the broken promise.
I must admit. I still love him. I have closed my doors from knowing any man that I come across in my life.
My friend Chad, who I always talks to says its my call, my decision. He is from the US and works the same field as I am (Finance).
Despite it, I still am waiting and giving it a chance. Its a stupid decision maybe. But Ill try once more. Then Ill give up later. I just hope I wont fall apart so I could stand up when I fall.
God please give me the patience to wait, the strength to counquer and accept whatever happens.
Its been three years now since he first went to work abroad. And honestly I never felt so alone in my entire life. I have so many fears. I'll just probably give it all to God. Trust him that no matter what happens He is there for me. He knows best.
Thanks for listening to my woes.
Hi,
Im in the office working today. Its our counterpart's holiday in US but we are still covering for the Netherland process so we have to be in the office.
Im in the midst of confusion these days. Maybe this is hormonal. I have been in a relationship for like 7 years this June 2008 to my first bf. Our situation isnt really that easy. Its a long distance relationship with so little communication. Sometimes I ask myself if I still have a boyfriend. Dont get me wrong. He is the sweetest, most responsible man I ever know. I'll never find someone like him I guess. He works in a tanker ship.
I cried for days when he first left for work. Then he proposed to me over the phone two months before he is about to come home. That was two years ago and when he got back to the Philippines he didnt. It was as if nothing happened. Everytime I brought the subject he would just say it will come. That time was the lowest time in my life. I brought him to my parents to be with them when I go home and he seem to put some wall. I felt so alone that time. I didnt know what happened to him. My parents asked if things are ok. They seem concerned. A month after he went back to work outside the country.
When he got back after 10 months, he gave me a ring. But when we talked about when will it be, he said Maybe after two years. Ill be 28 then. I dont wanna be selfish. I know he has a lot of responsibilities. I still love him very much. But this doubt if he ever wants to get married to me kills me. What if in the next two years everything will still be the same... There's my fear... I waited too long.
But here I am still giving it a chance. I said I'll wait for his brothers and sisters to finish college and if still nothing happened then its time for me to move on. Whatever happens at least I have waited.
Im just afraid deep inside. I dont know if I could wait that long. I mean I wanted to. But im not sure if I'll have the strength to still wait or if I would still love him by then. Its painful really... The way he drives me away the first time he came home. This year was better. I think he is trying to make up for the broken promise.
I must admit. I still love him. I have closed my doors from knowing any man that I come across in my life.
My friend Chad, who I always talks to says its my call, my decision. He is from the US and works the same field as I am (Finance).
Despite it, I still am waiting and giving it a chance. Its a stupid decision maybe. But Ill try once more. Then Ill give up later. I just hope I wont fall apart so I could stand up when I fall.
God please give me the patience to wait, the strength to counquer and accept whatever happens.
Its been three years now since he first went to work abroad. And honestly I never felt so alone in my entire life. I have so many fears. I'll just probably give it all to God. Trust him that no matter what happens He is there for me. He knows best.
Thanks for listening to my woes.
"Love hurts"....But why still love...
Love,
Camery
Love,
Camery
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